I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a search helicopter?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
