I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
