So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
