And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
