Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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