hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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