i would punch a child for taco bell
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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