Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
