Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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