Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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