Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
