Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
