Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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