Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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