Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
