Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize