So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
