Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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