I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
