There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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