when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
