Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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