We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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