this beer tastes like vomit already
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
