Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
