This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
