and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
