Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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