oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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