my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
