Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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