i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
