i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
