The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
