life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
