I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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