I wanna bring you to show and tell
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
