if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
