So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm jealous of your bromance
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
