Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
