Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want nice things and good sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
