You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
