he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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