I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
