as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my being single is dangerous.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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