On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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