I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
