jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
