Nicole vs. Life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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