i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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