why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
