plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need a beard to bite.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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