don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
