I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
