Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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