: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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