i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
