apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm really busy with my period
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