I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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