I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
