then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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