If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
