youre lurking in front of me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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