Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
