ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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