Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
