Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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