I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
