I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
