oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol