Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
