saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I deserve this hangover.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize