New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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