So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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