I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i've created a new STD.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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