My underwear smells like fireworks.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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