I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
