I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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