How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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