No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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