just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
