So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
