Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize