Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
