would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
